Jurassic World's real legacy: the inflatable T-rex costume

Jurassic World is one of the most successful movies in history, but what did it contribute to popular culture? You could make a case for Chris Pratt’s pithy one-liners and Bryce Dallas Howard’s superhuman sprint in heels as moments that nudged the industry yardsticks a few feet backwards. Or you might praise the “Indominus rex,” a movie monster that looks like the Tyrannosaurus rex version of a teen who’s just discovered eyeliner, the Vans Warped Tour, and the Wikipedia page for “anarchy.”

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I believe the most important cultural artifact of Jurassic World wasn’t even in the film. I believe it was and still is this T-rex costume.

The inflatable suit is made by Rubies Costume Company, the world’s biggest costume creator. It comes in both child and adult sizes for max goof potential, and oh, what potential there is. The GIF, above, is taken from a video shared on YouTube by Gascon Horsemanship back in February. Gascon Horsemanship has many neat horse videos to share, including someone riding in a Minions costume. T-rex on a horse is, obviously, the page’s masterpiece. Set to the tune of the Jurassic Park theme song, the video is a testament to the power of dumb costumes in everyday situations. I laughed so hard I cried. I laughed so hard that I swallowed my gum, started to choke, and fatalistically wondered if 2016 would literally kill me.

It didn’t and I’m glad — because there are even more T-rex videos to be found online. I couldn’t tell you the basic plot of Jurassic World, but I can rattle off my favorite T-rex costumed stunts since the movie’s release last year. Have you seen the T-rex who dominated American Ninja Warrior? What about this one, who just wants to make it as a ballet dancer? Maybe pole dances, slapfights, or hoverboard riding are what you prefer?

Look, I’m not saying Jurassic World was bad or anything. But be honest, which brings you more joy: Chris Pratt riding a motorcycle with a squad of velociraptors, or this T-rex riding a dirt bike?

I thought so.

I am a nightmare Halloween dad because I am too cheap to buy my children new costumes every year, but I’m also too lazy to help them make fresh homemade ones. Five minutes of doing crafts ages my spine three years, and so my children are eternally nagging me to suck it up and plunk down $50 for some piece of shit costume at Spirit Halloween that is almost certainly coated in 100 layers of asbestos.

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But this year, my 12-year-old daughter struck upon a tidy compromise, in which she offered to PAY for her own Halloween costume. You might think it’s monstrous to take money from a child for the simple right to have a nice outfit for trick-or-treating, but I am not plagued by such crises of consciousness. Besides, I’m the one who GAVE her allowance in the first place. Really, all I did was make a deposit on her future purchases.

For this Halloween, my daughter asked to buy an inflatable dinosaur costume, specifically this one, which costs $48 over at Amazon, depending on which size you get. You’ve likely seen this costume out in the wild, either on YouTube, or maybe from the time a Broncos cheerleader dressed as one for her squad’s routine.

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I have no idea who invented the inflatable dinosaur costume. I have no idea why dinosaurs became the inflatable Halloween mascot of choice. All I know is that my daughter wanted one, and she had the dough, and so I let her buy it. I also told her not to break it before Halloween, but I already know that directive will go unheeded.

Anyway, my daughter spends the next few days incessantly asking if the package has arrived yet, because the bulk of childhood in 2018 consists of your little ones tracking some goddamn Amazon package, then ordering something else and repeating the process all over again. It finally comes and she immediately jumps into it.

Lemme tell you people something: that costume was worth EVERY GODDAMN PENNY. Every last one. If it had cost $70, I wouldn’t have even been mad. The second your child walks into the kitchen dressed as a fucking eight-foot dinosaur, all your problems fade away. It’s so breathtakingly, wonderfully stupid. I can’t get enough. She set the table in the costume the other night and I nearly died laughing. The girl even found a second use for the costume when she wore it to some protest the other day. NO ONE CAN IGNORE A DINOSAUR PROTESTER. Your voice will be heard, I assure you.

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