5 Things to Know Before Buying Golden Scallion Film Tape

Happy Friday! Sorry so late! I'm running so late today. First I slept extremely late, woke up, and decided to go back to sleep and try having a lucid dream; and the thing I chose to do with my powerful mind was go into the community house basement rummage sale and discover a box of antique toothpicks, and when I opened the box, I found both toothpicks and a tooth inside. Just like I planned.

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Then I decided I might as well get up, and then I ran to Home Depot for some unthreaded off-white 1/2' PVC T connectors, because Damien is at the point in his project where he know he needs one now, which means he'll be glad to have five within an hour.

Yes, the piiiiiipes frozzzzzzze despite all our normal New England precautions, and then theyyyyyy burssssssst despite all our thawing efforts. So he has been down there in the crawl space for two days, putting new pipes in, and insulating everything in sight. Gentlemen, if you are wondering what women want, they want someone who can fix things and also be a nice guy to his family while doing it. This is what we want. 

And we want water, which we will have by the end of the day! In conclusion, winter is stupid, but my husband is my hero. 

Here is what we ate this week:

SATURDAY
Leftover Buffet with pizza pockets, homemade apple sauce, tapioca pudding

We had our usual assortment of reheated goodies, plus pizza pockets.

It was Corrie's Shopping Turn, and part of the deal of Shopping Turn is that you get to pick the two weekend desserts. (You also get to pick the weekend 'Silly Cereal,' and you get lunch at your choice of drive thrus; and you get to influence the snack purchases for the week, plus you get to pick the pot sweetener for leftover buffet.)

But we somehow forgot to pick dessert! But! I had done some fruit decluttering in the morning, and had started some apple sauce cooking in the morning. 

For applesauce, I quarter the apples and put them into the slow cooker along with the peels and cores, with a little water and let it cook all day. (I had a ton, so I filled up the Instant Pot, too.) 
When they are mushy, I run the apples through a food mill

(the only tool I've ever found that works for this job) and add a little butter, some cinnamon, and sometimes some sugar or honey, sometimes not. 

I myself would eat warm homemade apple sauce for dessert, but not everyone feels that way. But! I had also picked up a box of tapioca on a whim, and I thought MAYBE if I made some tapioca pudding, and we had warm, cozy, homemade applesauce and warm, creamy, fluffy tapioca pudding, that would be a nice dessert for a chilly, blustery day? 

Well, I WAS WRONG. Damien and I had actually signed up for an hour of adoration for 40 hours of what have you, and then we went out for pizza. So we came home as the kids were eating dessert. 

I said, 'Oh, how did you like your grandma dessert?'
One kid said, 'Yeh.' 
One kid said, 'Meh.'
And one kid said, 'Never do this again.'

So I won't! But I ate most of the tapioca pudding all by myself, and, right or wrong, I have no regrets. 

SUNDAY
Marry Me Chicken, french bread

I ran across this recipe from Sip and Feast, and it looked incredible. I don't think I've had a bad recipe from this site yet, and this one was also a win.

I could tell it was one of those dishes where you would want some bread to sop up the extra sauce, so I started some dough for this basic french bread recipe. 

Jump to Recipe

It was quite chilly in the kitchen, so I sprayed the crock pot with baking spray, put the dough in, and set it to 'keep warm.'

Started like this:

and an hour later we had this:

A successful rise, I would say! It actually baked a tiny bit on the bottom, because it really ran out of room (this is a recipe for four long loaves, so it was a lot of dough). I rolled out the loaves and set them for a second rise, this time on the stove top with the oven on and slightly opened. 

Ideally, I'd bake the bread right before dinner and have piping hot bread along with the main course, but I'd never made this chicken before, so I figured I'd play it safe and get the bread baked and then focus on the chicken. You see? Wisdom. Or whatever. 

The bread turned out sightly pale, but it was baked PERFECTLY inside. Extremely fluffy and soft

with a really thin, crusty crust. Probably could have given in another, like, 2.5 minutes in the oven and gotten a crisper crust, but I'd rather err on the side of not overbaked. 

Then I started the chicken! I had such insanely pneumatic chicken breasts that I cut them into thirds, lengthwise, and beat them flat with my marble rolling pin. Which I took a picture of, so I might as well share it. 

Then you salt and pepper the chicken breasts, dredge them with flour, and then you sear the chicken in the oil you have drained off the sun-dried tomatoes. 

Oh, my mother would have loved this recipe. 
When the chicken is done, you take it out and add a little more tomato oil to the pan, and brown up sliced garlic

and then add the sun-dried tomatoes, then white wine, then chicken stock

then cream

then baby spinach

and then freshly-grated cheese

You cook this sauce down a bit to thicken it up, and then you add in the chicken, and let it all enjoy each other's company for a while. 

And that's it! You serve it with some fresh basil on top, and YES, I was glad to have fresh bread to sop up that incredible sauce. 

My photos did not turn out great! It looks a little bit ghastly, actually. But it was actually fabulous. Rich and fresh and just delightful, absolutely dancing with flavor. It was fun to make, too. Most definitely adding this in to the 'special treat' list of dinners. It wasn't horribly expensive, but it took a lot of active cooking time, because you have to let it cook in between each ingredient addition. Totally worth it, but not a weekday meal!

MONDAY
Mexican beef bowls, black beans

Monday was Inauguration Day, and the kids had the day off for MLK Jr. Day, and I sort of muscled Elijah into taking them sledding, which we haven't done yet this year. I wanted a really popular, hearty meal (to warm up the kids and to cheer up the grown ups), so this was pretty good. 

Here is my recipe for the beef marinade, which I truly love.

Jump to Recipe

It's very rich, and the little sparkle of lime juice is very pleasant. 

I also started some black beans cooking in the Instant Pot. 

Jump to Recipe

and when they were done, I moved them to the slow cooker and used the Instant Pot to make a big bunch of white rice. So we had rice with the meat and gravy on top, plus beans, cilantro, corn chips, sour cream, some corn I blackened a bit in a pan, and lime wedges. 

Always a very popular meal. I originally put my beans in a dish that a child then revealed was the dish that used to hold gerbil food, and that was less popular, with me. 

Pretty sure it was the same kid who (completely unmaliciously, probably unconsciously) did this to my kitchen candle

This is the candle I use to heat the tip of a knife to make drainage holes in milk jugs for my winter sowing. Which I'm not doing this year. But STILL. Leave my candle alone! 

TUESDAY
Buffalo chicken wraps, veg and dip, cheez balls

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Tuesday I listened to the news until I got the sudden urge to tear apart the refrigerator, scrub everything down, throw out half our food, and reorganize everything. 

So we had that going for us. I'm still trying to get the kids to go along with this system where produce goes in the doors, for high visibility, and bottles and jars go in the bottom drawers, for easy access, but it's a losing battle. Which is apparently my favorite kind. 

In keeping with this sentiment, I dropped off my car for inspection, pointed out where I had put it back together with zip ties, and asked them to just do whatever was one step up from zip ties. I love our mechanic. They totally understand us. And get this: When I take my car in, and then Damien and I show up together to pick it up, they talk to me about it. Because it's my car!

For supper, we had buffalo chicken wraps, for which some of my kids have an almost baffling level of enthusiasm. Tortillas, ranch or blue cheese dressing, buffalo chicken (or sometimes I just get regular chicken and serve it with buffalo sauce), shredded pepper jack cheese, shredded lettuce, and crispy fried onions from a can. I forgot to get tomatoes. 

It really is a good wrap. I like it as a salad, too, but there is less general enthusiasm for that in this house. 

I also made a giant, rather festive platter of broccoli and sweet peppers that I meant to serve along with the beef bowls. 

And I put out one of those barrels of Cheez Balls or whatever they're called. Quite an orange meal, overall. 

WEDNESDAY
Pizza

Wednesday was when the pipes froze and burst. Here's the dog's water dish in the morning:

The duck's water thawing thingy also broke, and the stream is frozen over, so I gave them a big pot of hot water to enjoy, and they really did. Whatever else you can say about ducks, they do know how to enjoy themselves. The turtle's heat bulb also broke! I got him a new one, and it was really hard to tell if he appreciated it or not. 

My car was done, and it cost sighhhhhhh a little less than $600, which is better than more than $600. I also had to get my driver's license renewed. Last time I did this, I was half zip ties myself, so I was looking forward to getting a new picture. The old picture:

I guess this new one is better?

Making you get your picture taken after waiting at the DMV for forty minutes is the equivalent of when you go to the doctor and they take your blood pressure, and it's a little high, so they review all the things that are wrong with you, and then they weigh you, and then they re-take your blood pressure, and GUESS WHAT? That didn't help! OH WELL. (Actually my blood pressure is fine these days! Normal! If that don't beat all.) 

We had pizza for supper, and I made it early in the day but forgot to cover it, so the dough got kinda crusty and unpleasant, but oh well. Pizza's pizza. Nothing fancy, just one cheese, one olive, and one pepperoni. 

THURSDAY
Chinese(?) soup, rice, potstickers

Thursday I defrosted the pork filling that was leftover from New Year's Eve dumplings, with the intention of making nice little meatballs with it. I have done this several times, and it usually works?  But this time it did not. 

The meat just fell apart in the pan, so I decided to just fry it up in a big slab, and then divide it into bite-sized pieces. Which also didn't really work, but I was in too deep. 

I made a big pot of chicken broth, simmered some fresh garlic and ginger in it, then added in the pork, which was already seasoned and had cabbage and carrot shreds in it. Then I broke up some seaweed sheets in it, and shook in a bunch of soy sauce and some sesame oil, and some chopped scallions, and let it simmer for a while. 

It was not terrible! It tasted persuasively Asian. I made a pot of rice and cooked some frozen pot stickers

and it was a decent meal. But I told the kid who cleared the table not to bother saving the soup. It was fine, but I didn't think anyone would want seconds.

I had actually bought some tofu and planned to fry it up and put some cubes into the soup, but I couldn't get the package open. So now we live tofu another day. (This joke implies that I pronounce 'tofu' like 'too-foo,' which I do not.) 

FRIDAY
Grilled cheese, tomato soup, pickles and chips

And a nice, easy, pleasant meal to round off the week (or, to eat while you quickly finish up your food post; your pick).

Damien is finishing up the pipe repair, and we have water again! He's still down there insulating the hell out of everything. (Obviously we already have insulation down there, and pipe insulation, and heat tape, but that was some cold snap.)

And now my story is all told. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see what's inside this box of toothpicks. 

We cheered when Philomena started, but it seemed more like we were cheering for our masochism. The woman to my left took up a bunch of seats and laid herself down as if to take a nap. Philomena is about an old Irish woman named Philomena (Judi Dench) whose baby son was sold to Americans by asshole nuns; she meets a journalist named Martin who helps her track him down. Right when they first meet and Martin (Steve Coogan) learns about Philomena's excruciating breach birth where the nuns wouldn't give her painkillers, he says, "Excellent. Story-wise." It sent a shiver down my spine. If a mirror had been handy, I would have taken a hard look at myself.

As far as I can tell, I am the only person who laughed when Dench said, "Just 'cause you're in first class doesn't mean you're a first-class person." PHILOMENA LEE, you keep it so real. Philomena's depiction of hyper-intense runners in Washington, D.C., also jibes with what I know of hyper-intense runners in Washington, D.C. Points for realness AND realism, movie.

At one point my throat made a very weird squeaky sound I've never heard before while I started to cry.

Times I cried: Four ' when she says she's been looking for her son ever since he was taken; when she finds out ' SPOILER ALERT! ' it was her son's dying wish "to go home"; when she puts the Jesus statue on her son's grave; right before the end credits roll when they tell you that "shamed" women are still looking for their children. I am literally crying about that last one again as I type this.

At 11:53 my nose started to run.

Theodore Twombly (Joaquin Phoenix), as you may have noticed from the photograph, has a terrible mustache in this movie and also glasses that I am somewhat ashamed to say I want for myself.

The most radical idea in this movie is probably that pregnancy photos are sexy, but this gets less radical for me when you actually see the pregnant woman naked and she has this weird, tiny little bush. If Spike Jonze actually wanted to show pregnancy as sexy because it is so WOMANLY, that bush would be running wild and free.

Also, right when Theodore meets his operating system, Samantha (Scarlett Johansson), she fucking tells him she read an entire goddamn book in 2/100ths of a second. Where does this Theodore cat have the audacity to put the moves on her? Why is Samantha so interested that she plays his stupid video game with him? Doesn't the fact that he feels as if he "can say anything" to her mean he doesn't think of her as a real person because he's not afraid she'll judge him or leave him? Why is he dating someone who's essentially his servant, at his beck and call all the time? Also, Spike Jonze, am I really supposed to believe that Los Angeles still has fountains in the future? DROUGHT, guy, drought!

God, the sex scene. "I want you inside me" has to be the most disgusting example of metonymy.

I noticed that I was starting to smell a little B.O.-y, but at this point there was nothing to be done about it ' my apologies to the mom sitting next to me. At 12:40, I left to pee and get a hot dog. I instantly felt guilty about the hot dog (pigs are smarter than dogs! Think of their suffering!). I unfortunately went back in the theater in time to catch Amy Adams saying that love is "socially acceptable insanity." The hot dog was more thought-provoking than the film.

Times I cried: Zero, although there was one moment when Theodore was being a dick about Samantha's breathing when I was reminded of that ALS commercial, and I was moved thinking about how beautiful it was that a man who had lost control of his muscles could still talk to his son with the help of eye-tracking technology.

12 Years a Slave is probably one of the best movies I will ever see. Also, someone described the Benedict Cumberbatch character to me as "sympathetic," and I think he probably didn't watch this movie very carefully. It was especially chilling to me when he gives Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor) a violin and says, "I hope it brings us both much joy over the years." Pretty dehumanizing, no? I don't really see why we need a sliding scale for certain types of evil.

At the end of the film, I couldn't feel myself crying, but there were tears rolling down my cheeks. The lady to my right said this movie was "too violent" for her, which.

I fall asleep almost immediately. When I wake up at 7:03 a.m., I am amazed to find that there are still 36 goddamn minutes until this movie is over. I leave the theater to poop. I start to walk back toward the theater. It is light outside, and I consider leaving right now, half an hour before it ends, because you don't fucking own me, AMC. Was this some kind of sick joke, making the last movie the one about a hostage situation? Is this a commentary on what you're doing here? Is there going to be an encore movie about fucking Stockholm Syndrome?

"But I've come this far," I say to myself. "I can't leave now."

"You're weak," I snap at myself as I walk back into the theater, drawn in like a fly is drawn to the rotten scent of a decaying flower.

Until the very last moment, I consider leaving before it ends. And then I don't, and AMC wins, and some guy tries to start a slow-clap but only succeeds in getting people applauding, regular-style.

AMC beat me.

Or did I beat AMC?

Why do I feel so awake?

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